#53 – Yaoi Evangelion Fanfiction – It isn’t enough
Another of the writing prompts, this one for Sympathy. More a drabble than fiction, and there’s not actually a lemon, so I’ll have to rewrite it, but I’m sick. And therefore can’t seem to concentrate very well.
Series: Evangelion
Pairing: Kaoru x Shinji
Rating: R
Summary: Kaoru’s musings regarding his relationship with the brunette as he makes the descent towards his death. Spoilers.
Sometimes the angel wondered exactly what he was doing at Nerv. Other than the promises he had made, and that he had to follow through with, things were, at times… confusing. Because things with the little brunette son of Ikari had developed further than expected, largely in part because of Kaoru’s sympathetic nature. One that had been refined over many years… And yet, somehow, Shinji still failed to see him for what he was. Sometimes he thought that the whiny kid was merely stupid… and other times he realized that humanity created its own stupidity when it involved what the heart wanted. And he could see, and understand, the heart of any man he chose, but Shinji’s… well, it was pathetically easy to understand, and therefore, to manipulate. Fears of abandonment, the need to be useful, the craving to be wanted and worthy, those things were written across every action and expression, without one having to look past the surface. Oh, how he had watched Gendou play it out with the teenager. ‘You’re needed, the only one who can do this,’ and other platitudes. Always with the same coldness. Because Gendou was ice, Gendou was steel, and Shinji was… what? As soft as the way he cried out Kaoru’s name in bed, as if it were some horrible secret that would be his undoing. And of course it would be, because of what Kaoru was. The thing that Shinji saw, and yet refused to see. An Angel. His enemy. And as Kaoru thought these final thoughts, descending to make his attack, as the alarms sounded, and he saw the brunette in Unit 01, and the shock, the fleeting shock that was all too soon replaced with a tired resignation, a look of someone who has given up before they even started, he knew that his death would be easier on himself than his murderer. Because, in the end, sympathy was never enough. Not when it rested side by side with betrayal.
